Shall go soon.

Its twelve. I still have tuition but i cant sleep. This is the first time i felt this ..no, the second time. I'm feeling this absolute raw fear going through me. Things are changing again. Just when i finally felt safe...

I shouldnt have pushed you away. But i'm glad i did too so you wont have to handle this burden of me.

I don't want these people to go. I'm scared of feeling alone...

I'm drowning myself in love songs, but looking for someone to dedicate to.

Losing again.

It's a horrible repeat of last year. I'm losing sense of my feelings, time and reality again...and my feelings are ever more explosive and destructive. Just to add on...i started to reminisce. When my bro told me how you had another guy's arm around your shoulder, i swore i wanted to break down there and then.

My laugh feels really empty now. I don't even feel that satisfaction from laughing, i don't feel protected in the day anymore. My feelings burst forth anytime they seem fit and all i can really do is influence and hopefully it'll do the trick. I'm feeling more and more scared everyday that i feel so alone and there's nobody to really rely on, that somehow the dream will come true. 22 more days to the stated day of my death. I really hope it's the first dream to be wrong.

Losing control with every event that shakes me. I was traumatised and bruised. Scarred and hurt. I don't know how to, or even who to turn to... My emotions are more violent and affective. I didn't get my other disorders thank god but this is... I don't know. Everyday the image of a 20 storey building becomes clearer and clearer. I'm scared i won't be strong enough to fight then...