:(

O level results came out with a C6, distinction for oral. It sucked i swear. Call me jealous and insecure... It's like this. I got my results and i was really happy i passed. I looked around for people i could rejoice with but all around i saw...they were with someone else. They all had someone they preferred to be with more. I couldn't mourn either, because those i wanted to confide in were crying themselves. I swear that was the first time...i felt alone in such a crowded hall.

The person i wanted to shout it all out to, was happy with another group.

The people i wanted to cry with, had their own to mourn with.

The person i wanted to talk it out to, was crying herself.

The person i just wanted to hold and let go of everything, to tell her that i missed her and i wanted beside me the most,was happy with someone else.

The person i needed the most, wasn't even in singapore.

I've never felt so selfish and bitter before... Like the clique. I felt like i wanted them all for myself, all for my entertainment. I never felt so confused too... I didn't even know if i should feel happy or down. All i remember was numb. Re-evaluated and...i didn't end up good either. All i recall is a nmemonic mess.

I want to focus on my exams and end it that way. I don't want emotions blocking me forever and always as if... I don't want them anymore. They change so quickly i get scared myself...and the higher the stress the more volatile i become. I don't want a relationship, someone to think of anymore or i'll end up a permanant patient.

One thing never changes. I still look for someone i can truly rely on... After numerous trust issues, prejudices and fears... I need a miracle or an idiot.

I get scared too.