I'm bored.

I really, really miss the feeling of being alive.

Being madly in love. Feeling the bloodthirst of anger. The lust of sexual want. The thrill of danger. The satisfaction of sadism. The high of thievery. The rush of fist fights.

I mean those are some of the things that take me off that numb and make me feel really alive, like there's something worth fighting for sometimes. Especially the first and the third. Damn...those two are really strong i'm a little afraid people will be able to notice when they reach their peaks because it kind of leaks of me.

Don't get me wrong, i'm not the kind that when i'm tempted i'll go out if my way to hurt others for it since I've finally gotten full control of my emotions(Thank god thank whoever thank me) and him and i came to this point i miss the highs and lows. And i've gotten over certain things too. But somehow i'm still not ready to meet people, to open up to them just yet. I think i might be still too lazy. Come on. I had a chance with someone but i just let it slip. I know i had full control of things this time. Man...i need more time for myself. Even work is starting to bore me to the bone. Naturally i'll look for higher highs and lower lows when i'm bored of the current ones. Strange how that when i think back to pass mistakes, it stings real hard, but it also makes me want it again. Ah... There's definitely something wrong with me.

This time. That feeling of curiosity towards a new someone is welling up again. I hope it develops into love and not its flipside.