It was about this boy around the age of 4? He was playing with the other kids all right. But his eyes, the aura he gave off was different. There was this melancholy about him that when he wanted to play with the other kids they group away from him instinctively.This scared me, that when he was alone after the day he stared of into space, thinking...and those eyes. Those were the same as a war veteran. So much hateful intent and jealousy. It was the eyes of clarity, of someone who was taught to lament about things he couldn't come to understand in at least a decade. Then...it hit me that somehow i could understand that little boy and why he felt that way. I forgotten the last time my heart softened so much. Something similar went through me and i knew somehow my mindset was much, much more different from the rest. I was never meant to settle. I know deep down now that i'm a hermit. Someone that enjoys lonliness. I guess my joy will be travelling the world alone, seeing the world myself and living alone until my heart says otherwise. I've learnt so much alone and as much i would want someone to be with me i don't think they would want to have such a precarious lifestyle. I mean, it is really tiring for me even when i travel around for long what more someone who's already accustomed to settlement. I move around learning from everything i see, my teachers are what i see and what other's would call me crazy for. A pebble teaches me about fortitude and silence while a bird in the sky teaches me about survival and freedom. A flowing river teaches me to hold my emotions and that things will keep on changing while the stars tell me that no matter what, whether you can see them or not they will always be there. Who said you ever need human teachers when you have these professors everywhere?
It's nice being educated by education, but i think it's more important to learn about the world than the math infront of you. One day tacts and a glib tongue will be more useful to save your life than using athrimethics infront of people ready to harm.
An old quote once said this
"So many people forget to look up in the sky once in a while to slow down and see that life is passing by you faster than you keep time" -Unknown
I spend every night after work to sit by the river to think and that makes me grow. I spent so many years thinking already...i think if i ever wrote them down i'd have 3 series damn. That thinking gives me space to experiment in my interest anyways.
I wonder why. This solid cold heart was suddenly unlocked by this girl that i talk to rarely, perhaps once a month? It may be a short crush but it was a refreshing release. I still wonder. When will i find that 'her'... Maybe after i start to settle. Gosh that's a full 20 years later...
I wanna ice skate. I wanna play guitar. I wanna sit back and relax. I wanna enjoy with someone but damn... I'm not a social butterfly or anything near half of that. I'm a hermit.
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