If there is one thing i absolutely hated about myself, it would be my memory. Many people i've talk to about this have told me that it's a huge advantage. Really, it's a huge burden to have.
And the thing is that once you've seen parts of a person, after you get to know them.Maybe the way their eyes light up when they feel free and easy. Maybe the spring in their steps after they are given good news. And things happen. The way the little crease at the edges of their mouth form when they are sad or the way their eyes look down a little more, maybe the tone of their voice and how it seems just a little more dull. And you've seen them at their weakest and at their strangest. And this is all etched into my mind. And after a while... You see these signs again and it feels anything but good. I think it's the fact that we were ever that close that i noticed so much and that i was ever so hung up because my memory forbids me to forget. Every thought every feeling, carved into stone, a living memorial in my every waking second. And this is really why i never look to any one else ever since. I'm just afraid it might be years again before i'm fully alright, that is if i make it that long.
The mood swings are getting pretty out of control recently. I've not been tending to my emotions lately too. Just like a garden untended for a long time, weeds and rot spread fast.
The pressures on my mind is increasing and my ability to find solace and peace with people and music is decreasing.
I don't know man. I really don't
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