Collapse

How is it that the same situation can repeat in a month. I dont know what happened. I regret going volunteering for production, i regret everything that happened. Simply because of physical exhaustion, i knew what was to come and i had to prevent that. And all of a sudden the people around me, all changed. The closest is now gone, not just that actually. I cant find companionship anymore. The one person i thought i could really trust here, wow. My heart is so empty and my body is collapsing soon. All my ailments have to come at once. I feel horrible

And i haven't slept for two nights. Normally after such separations i go through a huge load emotionally and this time its no different. I get nightmares, im in a perpetual daze. And its only because its the only way i can use, by disassociation, to alleviate the problems.

Except i've been crying my eyes out the past two nights.

And one decision has been made, another closer to. I dont think i'll ever allow anyone else to see the softer sides of me and... I dont have much time left.