Sports day...

Well well. Badly disappointed today. Guilt laid its plough through me. Haish...the smallest matter was i scratched a junior's arm. Left his arm bleeding...yeah. Had almost no nails -.- and still such a sharp effect produced. Well...he won't be able to play for awhile i guess. Haish...it's my fault~
Too softhearted a person to be the player i acted out. Now i know, you've gotta be seriously heartless and changed.

The sports day performance was cancelled. The team was decided and everything was good until, yeah. Pissed off i guess... Selfish of me. Just feeling annoyed that this might be a small performance nevertheless but it meant something to me and the rest threw it off like it was worth nothing. Woah...
I shouldn't have let myself turn back into who i am. I can get hurt so much more easily. Should have maintained this cover of 'playboy' and then maybe i won't be so badly affected. This masquerade's mask played so well~ that the whole world believed me to be what they saw. Nobody could read into me but now i'm vilnerable to others. Because i wanted a change. Because of my feelings. Because...i'm not the kind to hurt and go. Watches the guilt stack like a tower. The cycle has alre ady repeated and now i'm waiting for things to crash down eventually. By then i would have lost all sense of my feelings again...the internal compass thrown off again. As of now...my feelings are starting to be strained. Hate being so vulnerable. Sincerity is the best weapon against me. In this state of me, just acting a little sweet and silly with me is enough to knock me off my feet. Haish...thrown away my defences. Both hands in the air, am done being the playboy.

I dont want to blinded by lies of people. I know...some idiots will definitely try. I guess it's also this time that i find someone i trust to rely on...to guide me through.

So sleepy...tired physically is what i wished i felt only.