I used to think myself as someone who'd hide all his pain, torturing myself and slowly withdrawing from the world would grant me huge power emotionally. I thought that by hiding behind the angelic mask the devil behind would grow an become my strength. I thought, that the anger would become my sword and the mask my shield. I thought no one would understand.
Hatred is simple. Those that only hate and lament, they work like a huge club. Powerful, but obvious and easily dodged. Then they lament more, anger more and this turns into a ridiculous cycle. The club grows bigger. They grow ever more...demented, revolving in their world and the narrow sights they unknowingly thrown themselves into. But this is a simple blueprint of how these people think. Work backwards and all you find is the first hurt. How the anger and hatred grows depends on the person. Some use it on every annoyance. Some use it on every problem. But all show one trait. They become rebellious in the sense that, whatever others say they will find a way to knock it down.
This is me. I'm past that anger... That hatred. I learnt to use that anger intricately and now i even laugh at those who belive there anger to be their salvation. One day when they do realise, they will cry on seeing how much vast is the world aroud them. Because now when they do learn how to use their anger, something changes. The way they use becomes a transluscent sword. Stitching cuts and piercing stabs, and all in the most mysterious ways. Ambiguity becomes their shield. This is what sifts the people out. I may not know enough to write as if i lived a thousand lives, but i know one thing. Raw hatred withdraws a person slowly, but learnt hatred can gain much more with nothing to lose. Ambiguity becomes my filter for idiots whom i know not to trust. Control on my hatred and channelling well...gave me much. These two let me see the sides of people that they don't want to show. Two faced, stupid, proud, i've heard them all. Yet i hear these same words from their closest friends. I wonder why~ devil hiding behind the angels mask? When you learn to live and let go, forgiveness is stronger than that a hundred times. What do you know about me? Are you sure you understand me? Heard it all. And give me time. Even the hardest shell i've met downed in a month... Because i've felt much myself. And i've seen things too~
Forgiveness on the other hand, is a sword on its on. It simply gives power to the hurt, between two that the forgiver gives himself and the other another chance. It's weird...that now both of us moved on, we're happy in our own sense. She has her life, i lead mine. But somehwere deep down i know...as she walks through the crowd and slowly disappearing in that sea of people that should she turn back, i'll always open my arms. Heh. First love is always silly as hell... But hey. I forgave myself and found another person. She's not extravagantly amazing. But amazing to me... Forgiveness is the key to releasing every pain and anger. Hatred is the cage to every soul~
going to have a longgggg day. Lan, study with the gang and probably filming again...
today was really some of the best days.
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