Halfway there

Half the month has gone. I managed to go so long without letting out my feelings to anyone and it is starting to put pressure on me. I guess nobody really reads this any more i hope? If you do drop me a question on my ask.fm haha just kidding.

Recently i went through this innovative bootcamp. Shit really. I thought it would be a welcome break from dancing all day and the training but it only served to restart something i thought i had mastered in myself. A deep thinker was re-awakened. And that... the long hours of dance didn't change me. I had only neglected the feelings i was facing and put them aside and when finally, these emotions are tapped again that i realised how overwhelming they are. They fuel my energy to dance up to 10 hours a day. Imagine all that concentrated into 2 hours..

Who am i kidding, It's really a first time i've ever  felt such deep regret for knowing someone. I should have never tried to talk to you again. I should have never talked to you in the first place. Yet now in stead of numbness there is this...strange longing. Memories which should have been erased are coming back. Nostalgic feelings. I thought i was stronger than this and suddenly, i really miss your hugs, the way your eyes lit up. What is wrong with me. It's been long since this much of emotions just come up again and i lose my composure.
I can't quite cry it out and it's difficult to tell anyone, simple because of certain issues and that as of now i don't actually trust anyone that much anymore. Serious trust issues really. Paranoia is eating me up again, frustrations are building up again. What more can i say? I just don't want to burden anyone any more. And here's the worst. I've closed up really hard and i don't know just how to start talking to people again. Popping competition this saturday. How am i to cope...

Past all that regret is a seemingly new emotion to me. Never have i gone through such pure and distilled sadness. It's not the kind that makes people go agitated but the kind that just blanks you out. And everything  just stops .That makes you wonder where you are. You lose a little of recent memories and the world seems more fascinating all of a sudden.

I guess i shouldn't be getting close to people at this time. All i'll do is create more havoc..