Tired

I think i understand why people drink and smoke to take their mind off their worries and troubles. When the wine slides down your throat the slight fruity nature fills your nose and the alcohol burns lightly down your throat, that takes your mind off the problem for a split second and that split second, really addictive it is. And you drink more and more, till you become less and less aware of your surroundings. The cigarettes, the lazy smoke curls above the burning tip, each breath amplifies the tone and the ecstasy of alcohol as the taste of the cigarette fills your lungs, the sweet poison a strange high that people chase. And with these two, everything can be forgotten for a night. Wine accompanies me tonight. A strong glass of white wine.. it's been awhile i guess.

I find this weird that how the people that keeps groups together, are sometimes the ones feeling the most left out. I mean, i really feel alone sometimes. There are friends that i'm so close to honestly i consider them family and more already but when i relapse, i dont really dare to tell them. When i start thinking about the past i don't want to trouble them more with what they already have and what they tell me. And the smiles and effort to keep the rest together, people don't really look into their eyes. People listen to respond, not to understand and sometimes they don't see that the people holding the groups together are sometimes the ones most in need of someone holding them

I don't know how long more i can hold on in fb. No matter how i train... This is the furthest i go i guess. I see more potential in my batchmates than ever now and i see my potential in guitar more and more.
What more, i already had the idea of quitting since the start of fb. Shows... How much i should not have got to know people.

I really miss you. :/