Exploded, still going.

The catalyst was his presence at the bbq.. When i saw him all my anger came up and formed a cold, black mass at the base of my stomach like a bomb. And it all exploded out in a flashy rush of emotion and memories. Nostalgia of all forms appeared with their representative colors in a fan in my head. Rage, sadness, and the sorts and i remember how tired i was afterwards and i realised, that's the first time i felt that kind of utter betrayal and utmost disgust to someone i once considered a brother, for having broken up and immediately having designs on my sister. I never had my parental instincts kick in so hard before... And i never felt rage more pure than that. Empowering, definitely. Draining, obviously... And it's been 4 days since i've felt good. Like, really happy inside. I've lost another brother, what's there to be happy about? It's gonna be another period of mourning inside. I've lost all motivation and drive; it's like that episode of anger shook my whole internal compass. That's for making a move on my sister, on my friends, and to the girls you did it with. But now... I'm absolutely disappointed with him. I feel real sick and tired of losing people i forged such strong bonds with already..and i've let moss grow on where i used to frequent. Losing another friend sucks okay... Reminiscent of 2012. I only hope he can grow up and out of this. There are people who died for the same cause he's dripping a few tears for. He better be grateful...

Anyway... School is starting. I miss pds and i miss going ice skating most of all. Well...i'm not as strong as i like to be it seems. I (actually) miss the rgs peeps and how cheerful they are.. I miss knowing the next day is guaranteed. I miss the feeling of being safe in arms and definitely this, the connection between two hearts. So far... Nevermind. I want to go back to TKD again...

I'm kind of happy to start class with my current class. They are a really nice buch and already pretty bonded in just a week. Wow... Later is gonna be such a rush. Computer roadshow fair, school, back to secondary school and so on and so forth. Tomorrow will be tiring definitely.

And with all the emotions recently released in such a forceful way my mind hasn't been able to get any rest. The vestiges of emotions are all still that strong to stir up my mind. My instincts as a guardian is for real, i mean. There is this girl that i'm quite( actually just a little) attached to now and... It's always the people who tell me their problem that i have these issues with. Rant to me and you'd get a free listening ear/ protector. Retarded ain't it.