Round two

I swear i started the last day of April in the worst way, the worst day of the month. Couldn't sleep till 3, woke for no reason at 6. Then i went to school and forgot what caffeine does to me... Yes i got sleepier throughout. Then the stupid BSA class. Okay... Then as class ended i felt even more tired and i didn't want to talk to anyone. I only wanted to dance or play pool or sleep and nothing else. Guess i could get home and shortly aaron came and damn was i electrified the whole evening. Aaron and glenson. I swear i miss them. It sucks not being in the same school as them... I mean with them. I can't be any happier, be any more myself, can't be any more transparent. For good reasons too. And it's like, they're not people some father can replace, some lover can substitute. Only because of them i understood 'Blood of the covenant is thicker than water of the womb'.

And it was aaron tonight that sort of saved me. I was on the verge of a full relapse and his presence could remind me why i survived the first round and how i recovered the first time. He was the person that showed me that it's okay to lean on others but not too far . In short, you don't need anyone else to live,and yes i really agree. And that could remind me that since this relapse is coming, i can survive this and i won't fall back into the old problems. And since i could muster enough to stand up to the first, this round will be the same. I'll find the peace i so carefully wove out of the many people in my head.
He's probably also the reason i still breathe today. Yes he is full of flaws but he had the simplicity, another way to look at life that i so damned needed then. I mean, i wasn't just fighting depression. And i remember at the peak , even though there were periods of blank memories he and a few others appeared in my head. My mind wanted out. My heart screamed at me to stay. Especially him, glenson and...a girl. So they reminded me that i survived round one. I will be more than enough to face round two alone. This time without fully isolating myself. Unless ofcourse... The current people who knows betray me. God knows what could be my reaction... I do thirst for blood sometimes.

I'm seriously tired i swear. This short post is sooooo long. Relativity^^