Past of me in you.

Re reading my previous blog at all-in-mayday.blogspot.com , and comparing it with the feelings i went through today, i can say something safely. I'm the kind to change emotions quickly, but if they stay on a person, it's gonna last till it kills me. But now even if my feelings are serious, it can still be taken by another without any form of acknowledgement,like as if the person needs to tell me they feel the same way for me to be held down. It always feels that someone else can easily claim the place unless there's something to hold me down. I'm a free spirited kind of person, with super heavy emotions, dark logic and even darker memories. I'm not flying far these few days~ yeah. I need someone to rely on badly. I care too hard and the irony is that my feelings end while caring for the person. I'm a huge ball of problems at the start. Not worth it to be fought for any way i see myself. I give up fast too. Too many things to worry about a person, related to a person. And most of all, if i feel as if things aren't gonna work out. Mine is burning out exceptionally fast. Another friend faces a break away. Another faces pressure. Facing suicide. Facing depression. Facing...all that. I have to give myself a break i swear...

From dream makes i saw a phrase that touched me to no end
"Cherish the loved ones you have today, even if it's just a small hug because i can't do it anymore even if i wanted to"
-Yu Fan

"You see that thing you love so much? Good. It will be gone any second now, what would you do?"
Reminds me of how i didn't cherish. How i forever thought i was correct, thought my logic was the centre of the world just because i could be impartial most of the time. I see now... That same logic cost me nearly my sanity. Now it relies on others, being quite reliable just because it's what people say. That's my impartial now. Your own words will become a double-edged sword. Tell me you love her, then hurt her. A fine example~

i'm seriously tired i guess. I got angry at her for the first time. It's that familiar bittersweet feeling. That reminds me i don't wanna lose important people anymore. That...i shouldn't make her that important. I don't even dare take the next step. I know i'm gonna lose someone in the end.