With so many states passing through my mind so quickly for so long, after a while i sort of lost this identity of mine. I became numb, accepting change as it is. Resigning to fate.
Always questioning why i was so weak. Why i was so needy. Why i was so useless sometimes. I'm clumsy. I'm not romantic. I can't date for shit i can't do any good what the hell am i here for
Then i met Elle. My co-worker, she is intruiging to no ends. A cheerleader, volleyballer, guitarist model and what not. She had so much more than me and only what...3 years my senior? Somehow she became an inspiration. Turns out me and her, her sister shares many similar passions. I foresee...interesting work days?
Today was my first time experiencing a crowd. I screwed up bad... Ahh. But Victor and Elle were always there to encourage me. I tried my very best not to screw up despite this annoying headache... Mehhh. Elle had to spoil when she said today was low crowd. I am PETRIFIED for Christmas and weekends. I foresee...no rest ahh T^T
I'm becoming really numbed to everything. Emotions seem foreign to me now...love seems alien to my brain. But attachments linger. Seems my brain and my heart is always quarreling and i'm losing to the byproduct. At least i can immerse myself in work and forget about that and what not and whatever irritates me always. I'm such an impatient person.
Perhaps if i wasn't this weak i wouldn't force love. I don't know... I feel numbed but also very, very scared.
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