One day you feel like the most confident person. Like you can tilt your head up and walk. All that takes is just one little incident to affect you and you walk the streets head down not even wanting to have the barest of eye contact with a stranger. Then you see a heart-wrenching sight. You're the most helpful person around. So many personality changes in a week. Thats's what's like being me. I can't say for sure that it's me because i'm everywhere and everything and i learn what i need to to suit that state of mind. So like last week i was a confident leader. Now i'm not sure where i am. I'm questioning everything i do, i can barely look at people in the eye and i lose my temper more easily. It's the mood where i don't want to do anything, i don't want to talk to anybody i don't want to see anyone i just want to be alone. I'm kind of waiting for the next thing to switch me back up again. It takes so little to make such a wave in my heart. Sigh...bipolar. Especially this. Everytime i see a girl getting mistreated by a guy i know i think to myself, hey i can treat you better than he can a thousand times. Then i remember the disaster i made and go "nevermind".
I think i'm gonna stop pds for good. Like after this competition period i'm gonna stop. It's too tiring, i don't get anything out of it and even if i wanted to pursue it i have not much of a talent in it so why waste the time. This sucks.
You know that feeling where you just want to like lean on someone and cry things out or just scream some stuff out and you're all panicky inside. I think that's how i am now.
Come morning i shouldn't be this down anymore. I have my school to support! I know they're nervous and i'll definitely be there for them. More than half of this team is first timers. Heh they'll have my full assurance. I still have dinner. I can't wait for monday and i actually want to see Larissa again it's been so long i wonder how my 'enemy' has been HAHA i miss primary school. You'd be complaining about such easy work and even though it was still complaining it's so much easier than dealing with people like maintaining relations and stuff. I hate maintaining relationships somehow. So troublesome. I prefer just a person who i can click with easily and quickly and just stay there like yaknw. I'm lazy.
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