What satisfies

I think that for someone to be happy he must first have his fair share of pain, then his fair share of humility. Happiness without appreciation is simply a state of high, happiness without restraint is plain arrogance. Because one cannot exist without the other like there would be no happiness if there were no suffering. But i feel that that suffering is subject to perspective. A spoilt child would be angry when not given the things she wants but a hungry man will be satisfied with a small but given meal. I think that because it's singapore that so many kids have such high expectations. Come one, you see toddlers meddling with Ipads and iphones. Every batch of kids are more and more sheltered and spoilt that even a little sauce of the side of a plate is seen as an abomination of a stain. I seen people complaining that they do not have enough to buy MacDonalds but back then i was still pretty opinionless. Until i worked and i saw this man. Honestly and in no way discriminatory, he is mentally retarded and I have never seen him take his meal before. Instead he would pack it. I asked out of curiosity and his reply was to pack it for his mother. Kind of makes you think... I mean if you really have financial problems and you're complaining about lack of food, no complaints there but about not having mac? That's plain shitty. Major turnoff i swear. This man is mentally unstable and he is the one sent to work. I really wonder how his family is like.. So i always want to think twice before uttering words like 'i have no money to buy luxuries'

Then ever since starting work in Central this hit me real hard. If you can't be happy alone you damned as hell won't be happy with someone. How true... Because at the end of the day. When you close your eyes for the night your heart plays behind the eyelids and while it's true that someone else can be your companion but the pain felt will be only be by yourself. So i think that maybe only when you can really tell yourself that the past still affects but its not going to pull the future, only then maybe you're ready. I think i might be. And once that comes you hell better be ready to put down the past. I remembered how i started working and i would see someone really attractive sometimes and my mind would just play images of you know... Maybe i got her number and maybe we would date and maybe maybe. But that always dragged back to a certain someone and i had my mood spoiled and my day ruined but as time went, not so much, no more and now i'm free. Sure thinking back nibbles me a little from time to time but i'm dying to see new. Seems i threw a lot out of my mind for this.

15th and 29th march. I'm losing sleep for this. The PDS competitions are coming up and i think i'm even more anxious than the competitors. Well i'm training myself( getting myself injured much too) harder than usual because... I don't know how i can teach the other school. They are comparatively weaker and slower and some even i believe is burdening the team. What am i to do... There's training tomorrow. Mayday's concert is tomorrow... Fuck. I really wanna go.

Man.. Drank too much soup and slept. Feeling like shit now.