Falling again

So technically...this is means i'm having a crush on the person again. Suddenly i feel nervous to try to ask her out. I feel timid to the point i'm afraid of rejection. I want to feel my way around know what's off limits and not... It's that refreshing, light feeling that hey i'm really liking you, i hope you'll like me too kind of emotion. But at the same time a deeper one runs too. When i get worried, or angry for her. It seems to fill my body and makes me think differently. A comparatively mature emotion it seems. I get so worried the moment i hear a problem. When she's out of my sight i constantly wonder about her and miss her(even though yeah...she cantake care of herself better than me of myself...). And a third exist. A childlike one. It justs wants to see her smile, to see her happy because of me. And see to that she is well.

But..a close friend adviced to let things be and not allow it to go back to the past. She said that if i think i have a chance, i should go forward and try again. Even siva told me to chase her.. I'm deeply doubting my ability to make her happy. I know i can't... And i still have this feeling she feels this way for another man. I just can't help but think... And blank out once in awhile. I almost can't remember what happened in the past between me and her. I see pitiful fragments but i can't quite piece the puzzle to make the picture. All i can see is me screwing up and being blind. So everyday i pray that hopefully..she's keeping her options open and i might be included.

So i already have made my Christmas wish and now my New Year's wish. I'm just going to spend all on the same thing that maybe. And please let it happen. That she'll fall for me.. For this New Year, all i want is her.