Ahh

Oh dear me, what a joke things have become. I'm early for all appointments but late for all others. I get angry at others for being angry at me and i tell the whole world that i'm finally fine but who knows it had to ache all over again.

I'm not even down anymore i mean i don't want to be anymore. I've been stuck stagnant for a year feeling down for myself and feeling all panicky whenever i think too far but now i think...i know how to cope with it. But whenever someone says your name and says how much i lost i...still hurt inside. Now i sit in the night playing songs and thinking back again, resisting the urge to sleep and considering everything i should have done and said and it doesn't help make me any more sleepy.
So how do i feel exactly. Like i'm dying for a relationship but i'm too lazy to move for one. It's a funny sensation like BLAHHH later kind. Or should i put it like this. I want to enter a field i'm too lazy to play in. Yes much more like that.
Then i see all the other guys and i go 'ahhhhh...' that's why i don't dare to move i guess?

I mean hell yeah there will easily be someone better. Why make someone suffer with me? I keep thinking about eligibility these days. Like money, looks, background. All these are like super big plus points i hope i had sometimes. Then i remember something. I'm not my age...

Aaron and glenson agrees my taste of life is older than most people. I mean i like really old music, i like more mature people and i prefer girls who are good with kids, likes to wear dresses and etc(aka housewife) . I think to them i'm probably 20-ish?

What am i saying. I'm just writing for the hell of it :p