Ohwells.

Hi people. I think no one ever reads this anymore HAHA ohwells. I made some pretty drastic changes in my life over the hols. The immense, overbearing, crushing and relentless activities(i'm not kidding) gave me the silence in my head i needed to sort my thoughts out once and for all. The workload and stuff took the .
conscious side of me, and left me with a messy subconscious and if there's one advantage about a double personality, this is it. While ryan sorted out his work, i sorted out the mess he made. And now we are kind of.. and finally at peace with each other. Two weeks of silence and sorting. For starters, i removed the people he should not have in his life and made him get closer to those who he should keep. I think he gets my hints.
I cant fight the disorders. I can only influence and like the first time, i struggled with my life to find my happiness within the sadness around me. I fought and thirsted. I guess i'm happy the hard way.. but its something. And its something i treasure and i want to share with a special someone. Yeah.. i learnt that sometimes it might actually be the right choice to keep a distance from everyone. I mean, i wont let anyone get wrecked by him anymore..2 is enough. I wont let anyone see him unless well, i am so close to this person. Strangly, he is going to come out again this week. I often surface when ryan doesnt want to see the world. And more often than not, he doesnt want to see anyone but a certain girl.

Derrick is my polar opposite. Violent, destructive, cold and dangerous but i finally regained the control. To seal it down.. almost there. Anyway. Some people have disappeared and for them, i'm actually prettt happy.
Well the second is that im moving into hardcore dance mode. I just injured my triceps attempting to hit harder and harder and now i probably cannot dance for the next few days. Yeah... But this. I finally found a place i belong.

My gosh. All of a sudden i really want to talk to her :/ i find her smile really...contagious. ohwells.