I'm gone

IAnd look. It's 2 am in the morning on a nice, sleep in saturday. Another week passed without much really... All the stuff that happens are all my overthinking. But friday, yesterday was the best of the week. I wasn't sad or down or anything dominantly, but i felt all kinds of content, happiness, and even for just a second, my heart fluttering again. And i'm not as scared to try for another relationship. Maybe it'll add on to my 'Heartbreak Stories' hehe. I forgot what is it like being totally comfortable with another girl and... Yesterday i felt it again. I'm somewhat getting more and more aware of my every waking moment and i noticed the very familiar feeling. I feel... At ease around her and i do like it when she talks to me and even sitting in silence with her, i feel okay. In class i look by her way more. My gosh... I do have something for girls who seem down... Or maybe she's someone who didn't add to my worries >< this is definitely a kind of reliance. Sigh... And hey! That anon really made my night. I guess its a girl... I do wonder who she is.

Took a walk in the rain and oddly, the cold wasn't bitter. It was refreshingly hard to bear. Anything but bitter. And i realised this too, my coffee tastes sweeter, my food tastes better, the sun seems brighter and i suddenly feel happy again and i'm not at peace yet but happy. Finally got over the loss and finally put derrick back to my side and finally set things back into place. Did so much jus to get here, spent so many hours practicing but i can never ever understand. Why one look from you, when you obviously have something weighing you down and that look in your eyes, i will always become softhearted again and everything i did to get back up goes to waste. I still cant forget that promise to myself huh...but i cant let someone who has such a big negative impact stay. I hate conflicts between what i believe in and what must be done. 

After this i feel it might be more to interesting to know me. I mean i noticed this in many people. The more you think you know me, the lesser you know me. I mean, i dont play with masks anymore. Consciously, i have about 3 other alters. Unconsciously, i have about another 3 others and each one is pretty distinct from each other. And the world i see through my eyes, a still forest is never still. How to put it, i don't just 'see' anymore. Not everything is physical. And it feels like the more you know about me, the lesser you know me. Everyday i'm still finding something new about myself heh. Like for example, i'm like a cat. I saw this description of cats where they are fiercely loyal of those they consider their pride. Yeah the people who do know this about me,  touch my friends and good luck to you. Weeeeee

The present is getting more and more absurd. I want to go back in the past... I nearly gave up on dance and guitar and sometimes i wonder what's true and what's not. Maybe that's why i'm scared of falling in love now. Maybe if the third on fails then... I'll just stay a bachelor.