Last post.

So as usual i went home, just feeling a little down and all. And i got home and it was raining... And i couldn't help but lie down and think. Like how every thing took a turn for the worst. And i was contemplating about suicide and all... And i fell asleep. Firstly, the dream was really, really stupid. Damn. Didn't help to make me feel better. Secondly... The sky was orange tonight. And though that has absolutely nothing in common with me being down but it reminded me of what Puden said, like how during the haze, the sky was pinkish purple but not many people notices and how there will always be good things in the bad and i thought maybe, i need to start changing the way i think again. It's about time i stopped dragging people into my issues. Or at least, even more people in now. I would love to talk to them but.., not that i have a choice anymore aye?

Reading my old blog feels really weird. The person that wrote it feels totally different from me now. I mean i read back and i feel much wiser than then but i'm still stuck with the same shit, what went wrong? This is all a big mistake and largely my fault because of the way i reacted. And going back opens up everything, from the way things unfolded to the way i react and it's all the same. And one more thing. It was really all i moved too quickly. Got my hopes up, let them crash down and started blaming everyone but myself about it. I guess it might be true that what i need can always be found by going back. Looks like tonight will be spent under the stars again... At least away from home. A midnight walk maybe? Hopefully i can. I'm falling sick again...
And i've made up my mind. Just like back then. I'll fight my way out again. I'll get back up and get back that me before i started poly. I'm pretty damn sick of running.

And i understood finaly what kiss the rain means. I mean as i play... And someone told me that my playing was the most touching when i'm crying. And now i understand. When the words you couldn't say turns to tears and it cant stop flowing, just like the rain. And yeah... I hear how my playing could touch her back then and it... I don't know. I'm sick of losing people. There are so many things i still have to tell you. I guess not now..