Tired

Now i have so many hiding spots. My room, the playground downstairs my place, surrounded by music,being with Aaron and Glenson. And now, being back at Peirce and talking to friends there.

I really miss secondary school. I'd rather give up everything i can achieve in poly just to go back there. I mean, where else am i supposed to find such comfort knowing that i will make it through? And it's less dramatic, less stress, less backstabbing and shit and all. Even breakups were so much more comforted. Going back to do PDS again...  i miss being injured by the gun. It always meant that when you have a lot of physical injuries, it simply showed that you had trained, and hard. And i got back two old injuries... a cracked left ring fingertip, and a hurting elbow. But seeing the rifle spin and swing to your wishes, that is satisfaction and being able to do that makes me happy. And playing basketball till my leg cramps so hard i can't stand. Sweating so much my dry-fit shirt gets soaked. And being in the NCC uniform. And getting scolded and chased by teachers. Those are good times no matter how much i hated it. And here i can't get to know someone without being cautious and always feeling edgy around my classmates. And there's so much emotions running around and competition, that scares me a little. And i can't even tell anyone something fully because my heart just warns me not to. I'm way too attached to the past and you know... one bus ride with the three girls could make me miss school this much. That one training i attended today...ahh. Speech day is coming. My workload is increasing but my commitment with NCC is still a priority

Everything is fucking up. So many things going in so many directions. Empty is a forgotten feeling now replaced with...bitter. And there's a hundred ways i can write it out. He's gone for now at least, but this..feels like the bitter of loss. Can someone have a heart to heart talk with me HAHA i'd probably get full emotional and all and bless you if you survive that side of me because that's one more side you get to see and well..It's something only the two of them seen?

I see all the people i used to be so close to in secondary school. And somehow that beats seeing someone i was so close to now...

I've been literally dreaming of angels lately. That and... Past events. Whole scenes replay in the dream and it's so vivid like i'm reliving them. What... Could the meanings be..

Cus these hiding spots make me feel content when i'm there. But when i'm not...i guess what you see is what you get. As if that exists. Suddenly my shoulders feel so heavy. I should sleep...