Scary Shit

And you know how the fear literally walks all over you. If it were just insecurities,no matter for that but no.It is a part of my mind vying for the front row. My mind turns blank and dark. I see my classmates for a moment, then there is a blank period, and then them again. My body is moving on its own, I'm getting panic attacks and when i do i feel like simply curling somewhere. And today he almost surfaced to take over. When..Cherin hugged me on the bridge he was halfway out and when she touched my shoulder i got a shock, I remember me being really dazed and being me, i would react if i heard footsteps behind me and i didn't... and she was looking at me and my right arm was tensing up getting ready to hit her. That...scared me. And i had to freeze my arm and it took me 2 seconds to respond to what she said. Now i use that violent tendency as energy for pt. And even then I cant run out of energy for me to be hopefully tired enough to sleep. The panic attacks are getting worse, they seem to cover all my limbs and make me really jittery and now i fear a time where he comes out and speaks to the rest. It happened once...and i hurt the person really badly without even knowing. At that time he could do a lot of things already. Now he's back, even smarter than before.I'm surprised he used psychological trickery. That by myself is tough to pull off and he did it so easily. On me to use on other people.. and now apparently my memories are...starting to be erased? What on earth. I did my research on DID and...this is really complex.Perplexing . My mind is teeming with morbid images...wonder what i'll see in the nightmares tonight. Two polar mindsets are pulling apart,and the core is my mindframe. But at the end of this, No matter who wins, i'll end up a changed person again.

My mind has lost it's structure, my mindsets, my values. All gone. And i like to tell this to people who dont believe in DID. One day i'll let you talk to him and if he burns you, not my fault. You asked for it. Cheering me up doesn't work. Making me feel happy won't work. As of now I'm no longer depressed, I'm fighting something as good as a person. Two minds in a head.

And i hope that the picture i have will be enough to get me back on track. I've found a third way to overcome him And i swear once i am, i will win,