A drop once more

"My heart should be well-schooled, cus I've been fooled in the past. But still I fall in love so easily,I fall in love too fast."

It should come as no surprise that in this frequency of writing, i have suddenly found a need to be continuously writing and that can only mean one thing, the cycle is reaching the lower points again. Living in and out of this cycle is not a joke and not to mention with other stronger feelings at play here, it's not making things any easier. I wish i could tell myself to just change my perspective as an when i would like it while in the higher points but not really now, i want someone or something to hold on to as it progress and hopefully i can survive this round. It seems that coupled with condensed emotions it is not as easy as before. Not that it was easy before but this time it feels so much draggier.

I wouldn't say that i have learned to handle this so well I could brush it off anytime i needed to. It's not anywhere near as simple as just influencing my thoughts when it is in my brain, somewhere something has been so utterly ruined and disfigured that where in normal male brains would show zero response, mine would be unbelievable active, more so than girls at this stage. And today i figured that all these were started once upon a time because i wasn't strong enough and now i pray that i may be strong enough to live through yet another episode. This is halfway through the second month and i'm not giving up so easily yet. I went through worse and this, will be just another one .

Maybe it is going down at this time to remind me of a tensile, cheerful me and how much effort it took to get back up. I admit, i am starting to take things for granted. I am starting to take the people around me for granted. Here i am listening to Chet Baker while i write, and I start to reminisce, about the times when jazz and the old English times were of such significance to me, The few that brought about the underlying sides to me,albeit an extremely private one.

"And I'll be standing here with someone new, there will be other songs to sing, another falls and other springs but there will never be another you"

Suddenly came across an old picture while i went ice skating, I miss that time so so much. One of the most eventful ever in my life up till now, I lost a really precious person, i gained 2 brothers. I, for once, saw what life outside could lay down into your soul for the first time and look where i am now. I guess if the me back then meets me now, he would be pretty proud, yet somewhat sad too.

I'm a little tired of guessing. It's like most of the time you don't even cross my mind anymore ,no, you are just there the whole time and i swear, i love you to death. And maybe that's why this time around i really need to keep myself in  check, i'm not going to let the other side come out again. Carefully i must work around this time for if i don't i might just lose everything again. My gosh how i'd wish to have you with me now.

HTML is pretty fun actually hehe cus.

• It's kind of intruiging
• It's good practice i shall try this everytime
• better than all memory work

Oh and this is the link to my first blog should anyone want to see it
All In Mayday