Rewalked

Pretty much today I took a good walk down the memory lane. Should be of no surprise what i decided to relook in my life over again. From one person, to another till now...it seems there was all a common thing for them, and for me too. I guess each time i had found them along this rugged path they were partly broken and my role was to fix them, to let them feel again, to let them know that they truly deserve much better, anything. The one constant thing was that after me, these people all definitely found better and i am happy for them. And not that I am so perfect to say that they are broken hearted people, for I am on the extreme end of the scale for madness myself and well, all I can say is that along the way these people are the same ones who taught me to break, to let go and some of life's harshest lessons. I don't hate them anymore. I have yet to thank these people and well, i really wanna meet up with one of them sometimes soon.

Each have pieced me up to be this complex, unsettled creature that's pretty adaptive yet unyieldingly stubborn. Let's say, calling me two faced would be looking down on how much more i can do. And i've learnt that i might not be the suitable partner i imagined myself to be, really through the tears and the tougher nights i found myself to be a provider. Strange isn't it. It is just in me to provide  respite for the weary and concern for the worn. A shelter for storms with a simple window with simple view. Yet everyone will see something different in the same view and for each i'll be able to provide a new perspective. And for that, i will never make a good partner. all i can really do is wait, and wait till someone can see that maybe, this shelter needs some repairing too.

The way i see some people who are breaking down and are struggling, that's good but sometimes, some rare times when holding on is going to hurt more than letting go, one must learn to be like a tower of blocks. For example, let's say everyday 3 blocks fall off and you replace 2. It's gonna take hell of a time for it to finally finish and by the time the whole tower is down, how tired will you be? Sometimes, you need to knock the whole damn thing down and rebuild it from scratch, Learn to be vulnerable, learn that that is only natural is vulnerability is the first step to being stronger. And by rebuilding from scratch can you ensure that what you build up, will be stronger, better and faster, and something that you want. That's one thing i learnt in the hardest way
Another thing i learnt is that when you feel anxious thte muscles in your shoulders and chest tend to tense up too. Maybe that can be a way to help people relax, just relax that area.

I'd love to have someone sit with me and look at the stars, and argue whether they were stars or satellites. I'd really love to find someone like that. I shall leave with a quote i find really relevant to my life.

"It's not the quality of your love, but the quality of the people you are loving."