Important things.

Finally I found the respite I have been needing for a little while, from my mind, from you from everyone else from everything. I've had a night out and spent it deep in my own thought as well, and really what i'm starting to see now are the things I have always needed since I could ever remember.
For once, the first time in my life, I've finally and actually gained control over something that was not natural, not granted to me the way it was to others. I finally have a grasp of my emotions. It feels like a breath out of the sea, my first steps onto land. I understand why some people are always happy and why some are not, I've felt what is it like to feel another person so fully to the point I was even able to see a little into the future for the person. It seems that finally after my whole life, my emotions that were locked away since i was young and was torn open when I was in sec 3 has finally settled, I have found my balance. I will make this last. I cant quite help but think back to october 25, the night i nearly took my own life for the second time. I gave myself 3 months to live, to see life the way I deemed fit and well, it looks like I might actually win the bet.

Not only that, I found out a purpose I had to fulfill. It seems that I am more than a phase of the lives of others but also, I seem to have a tendency to meet people who needs a way to recover and they always do after me. It seems that I may have an affinity in letting people see they deserve more than the situation they put themselves in, using different methods, whether I still am friends with them or not is a different matter. But still, I might have found something I might be doing for the rest of my life from now on. A passion as strong for my dance. The 5th art I can learn, and it would be a huge honour to, would be to learn how to help people out of their voids as the world had taught me to.

Humans are all complicated creatures who needs complex abstracts to make sense of senseless chaos and use a nonsensical linear method to keep track of an omni-directional growth. Destroy each other for the fun of it and torture one another for own satisfaction. Yet so many forget that no matter how different we are we are all the same, We all live with the blood of one single race coursing through our veins and the flesh of one species. It seems what a senior once told me is really through. Many people struggle to find a fire to light them and only the rarest find that flame within first. It seems to be getting more and more applicable, that people are looking for something they need to fill their void but they forget the most crucial, within themselves and ironically, it can only be done when you feel the most lost, dejected and alone, and only then will you find yourself.

One last most important thing I so needed long ago was to separate need and want. Why hadn't someone told me the difference between needs and wants earlier on... for example, I need you to be happy. and I want you to know that if you ever came back, I'll be more than happy to try again.